This morning one of my devotionals said that “to truly live you have to forgive”.
The reason this is relevant to me is that just yesterday, as I was driving, I was thinking about my “I forgive” letters that I wrote last year forgiving every person I thought I was to forgive as a way of getting past any and all things that may have been holding me back. While my list wasn’t long it did reveal something very powerful which will remain with me for now.
During the course of my thinking on the matter, God spoke to me and asked why I had not written a letter to myself. I thought about it and my response was that I never thought about the fact that I needed to forgive myself. We’re so often focused on exercising forgiveness to others that we miss the mark on looking first at ourselves.
Matthew 7:3-5 New International Version (NIV)
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Absolutely mind blowing. God is so good.
I am still pondering the idea to the point that I nearly need to keep with me a small tablet as I think about all of the things for which I need to forgive myself. Listing my “infractions” is one thing but letting go is indeed another. Even if I am able to articulate my issues with me, how do I forgive myself? Where do I start? Is this the key I’ve been looking for? Will this change my life? What will my forgiveness of me reveal about me? Only God could introduce something so simple, so scary to think about and so exciting all at the same time.
Being aware of others and counting their debts is easy. These days, I’m learning to be more aware of me. Admittedly, my debts are what they are. Thankfully, God’s grace is what it is and that is more than enough.